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"Some, I know, have questioned the global appeal of liberty - though this time in history, four decades defined by the swiftest advance of freedom ever seen, is an odd time for doubt. Americans, of all people, should never be surprised by the power of our ideals. Eventually, the call of freedom comes to every mind and every soul. We do not accept the existence of permanent tyranny because we do not accept the possibility of permanent slavery. Liberty will come to those who love it."--GWB

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

When Pigs Flee

Dearest freedomlovers,

What's the latest in freedom news, you ask? I've been stroking my beardedpig beard as I bemusedly watch the immigration crisis in the land of plenty. Freedomlovers, I am confused. Does not the United States belong to my white pig brothers who have inhabited it for two centuries and made it the preferred destination for freedomloving pilgrims the world over? Is it not their right to import swarthier southern pigs to do freedom's noble infrastructural tasks in the centuries old project that has made the United STates the freedomloving political creature that it is?

Is not freedom sometimes a matter of finders keepers, my dear freedomlovers? And other times a matter of conquering freedomhaters whether they be finders/keepers of the land or not? It takes a perspicacious eye for freedom to sort out its situational complexity, does it not? Take for example this strange video that was sent to me about the immigration debates.

When that great freedomloving poet, Emma Lazarus wrote the "New Colossus," inscribed at the base of that great hommage to freedomlovers everywhere, was it not clear that she meant that swinish American multitudes reserved the right to halt the flow of incoming auslander pigs in order to preserve American freedom? Isn't that what she means in writing thus?
From her beacon-hand

Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command

The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.

"Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she

With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,

I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

I am confused, dear freedomlovers. If she didn't mean that the swinish multitudes must protect their freedom by curtailing the freedom of pigs everywhere to flee TO the United States, though all pigs have their natural rights to flee FROM the recrudescent hand of misery and tyranny, then surely her poem is a sacrilege to freedomloving pigs everywhere and must be removed from the statue of liberty. And if that's what she meant then it is my duty as Captain Freedom to start a petition right here to have it removed. Come to think of it, the statue was a gift from France to the people of the U.S. It's no wonder then that we've been duped all these years by this poem inscribed on the statue. Beware of Trojans bearing gifts, freedomlovers. Tear down that statue, Mr. President!
Blessed are the freedomlovers!
Stay Free!