"Some, I know, have questioned the global appeal of liberty - though this time in history, four decades defined by the swiftest advance of freedom ever seen, is an odd time for doubt. Americans, of all people, should never be surprised by the power of our ideals. Eventually, the call of freedom comes to every mind and every soul. We do not accept the existence of permanent tyranny because we do not accept the possibility of permanent slavery. Liberty will come to those who love it."--GWB

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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

On 9/11's Fifth Anniversary: I Salute You President Bush

Syndicated at Blogcritics e-magazine
On the occasion of the fifth anniversary of 9/11, the day that will go down in freedomhating infamy, I, Captain Freedom the beardedpig, have decided, in the name of those nearly 3,000 fallen for freedom on 9/11; those 3,000 Americans fallen for freedom in Iraq; and those nearly 50,000 Iraqi civilians fallen with the sweet taste of freedom on their lips—to celebrate the unwavering devotion to freedom our greatOn the occasion of the fifth anniversary of 9/11, the day that will go down in freedomhating infamy, I, Captain Freedom the Beardedpig, have decided, in the name of those nearly 3,000 fallen for freedom on 9/11; those 3,000 Americans fallen for freedom in Iraq; and those nearly 50,000 Iraqi civilians fallen with the sweet taste of freedom on their lips—to celebrate the unwavering devotion to freedom our great Freedomlover has demonstrated amid the catcalling slings and arrows of freedomhaters for five long years.

When love of tyranny, love of hate, love of totalitarianism, love of evil struck, the Great Freedomlover spoke freedomloving truth to freedomhating terror. To a joint session of Congress, the American people, and freedomlovers everywhere on September 20, 2001, He declared, “we are a country awakened to danger and called to defend freedom.” And then let the great cascade of freedom flow freely: “On September the 11th, enemies of freedom committed an act of war against our country…. night fell on a different world, a world where freedom itself is under attack…. They hate our freedoms -- our freedom of religion, our freedom of speech, our freedom to vote and assemble and disagree with each other.” As it was then, so it is today, my dear freedomlovers: “And what is at stake is not just America's freedom. This is the world's fight. This is civilization's fight. This is the fight of all who believe in progress and pluralism, tolerance and freedom.”

That night my freedomloving beardedpig’s heart beat in tandem with the Great Freedomlover’s. I was called to duty! To arms! Whenever I was tested, tempted by pangs of despair to give in to the fear of the freedomhaters, He was there with words to revive me.

He did not falter by 2003: “Whatever action is required, whenever action is necessary, I will defend the freedom and security of the American people.”

Nor 2004: “As democracy takes hold in Iraq, the enemies of freedom will do all in their power to spread violence and fear. They are trying to shake the will of our country and our friends, but the United States of America will never be intimidated by thugs and assassins. The killers will fail, and the Iraqi people will live in freedom.”

You hear Him, freedomhaters? We will not be intimidated! We shall fight in the deserts, in the freedomloving prisons and brightly lit interrogation rooms, in the libraries, on the radio and television, with bugs, freedomloving fake news and public diplomacy, staged triumphs and rescues, and we shall never give up until Freedom is secured for those worthy of civilization the world over!

Whatever be the challenge we shall find the means to repel the insidious and foul-smelling offense of freedomhaters. And who is on the frontlines, freedomlovers? Let us never fail to honor freedomloving leadership!

He led the charge of freedom into freedom-deprived Iraq, determined to liberate the tyrannized Iraqi people.

Nearly 3,000 freedom-loving American lost lives later, his irrevocable wave of freedomlove will not be brooked, no matter if He must sacrifice His own earthly life for its cause! Never forget the freedomlovers have died for a noble idea, a way of life, for civilization itself!

Then again in the State of the Union in 2005. “Our…responsibility to future generations is to leave them an America that is safe from danger, and protected by peace. We will pass along to our children all the freedoms we enjoy -- and chief among them is freedom from fear.” How pig-pleased I was to hear him quoting another great, though lesser by comparison of course, freedomlover—Franklin Roosevelt. The Great Freedomlover only referred to one of Roosevelt’s Four Great Freedoms for the post-WW II era, but I do not doubt for a freedomloving second that He gives the other three His greatest attention and commitment, since like FDR He spoke them shortly after freedomhaters attacked and thus in a time of war. I remind you of them here:

“The first is freedom of speech and expression -- everywhere in the world.

The second is freedom of every person to worship God in his own way everywhere in the world.

The third is freedom from want, which, translated into world terms, means economic understandings which will secure to every nation a healthy peacetime life for its inhabitants -- everywhere in the world.

The fourth is freedom from fear, which, translated into world terms, means a world-wide reduction of armaments to such a point and in such a thorough fashion that no nation will be in a position to commit an act of physical aggression against any neighbor -- anywhere in the world.” –Franklin D. Roosevelt, January 6, 1941

Is His commitment to these sacred ideals not obvious in His stewardship of the tribute to patriotic freedomlovers, the Patriot Act? His tax cuts for government-oppressed freedomloving Americans? His heartfelt acknowledgment of freedom-threatening unequal economic conditions for the poor and black inhabitants of New Orleans? His faith-based initiatives?

Then almost two weeks ago, He reiterated for those of us with sad freedom-threateningly short attention spans:

“One of the strongest weapons in our arsenal is the power of freedom. The terrorists fear freedom as much as they do our firepower.”

And this is not all: “We are fighting to maintain the way of life enjoyed by free nations. And we're fighting for the possibility that good and decent people across the Middle East can raise up societies based on freedom and tolerance and personal dignity.” He will not let the march of freedom misstep! Are you with the freedom-hating terrorists or with us? Are you with tyranny or freedom? Thank my little pig beard He reminds us what we’re fighting for:

“We are now in the early hours of this struggle between tyranny and freedom. Amid the violence, some question whether the people of the Middle East want their freedom, and whether the forces of moderation can prevail. For 60 years, these doubts guided our policies in the Middle East. And then, on a bright September morning, it became clear that the calm we saw in the Middle East was only a mirage. Years of pursuing stability to promote peace had left us with neither. So we changed our policies, and committed America's influence in the world to advancing freedom and democracy as the great alternatives to repression and radicalism.”

When we have doubted, did He? No, He stood steadfast, one godly Man among men, cutting his determined path through the jungle of freedomhating tyranny.

And though I sit here tonight in Gitmo with nary a trough to slurp from, my resolve to fight on with the Freedomlover is not broken! Nay, ‘tis as confident in His leadership as ever! I am here as part of His freedomloving plan! Do not question the ways of the Freedomlover (which even the freedomloving Supreme Court does not understand). He has been sent here to lead us out of the darkness of terror. We can not always understand His choices, but we must not waver in our faith. I am but his humble servant. He has drunk from the very Source of Freedom itself!

Thank, you, President Bush. Freedomlovers everywhere salute you. I, Captain Freedom, your humble servant, salute you. Blessed are the freedomlovers!


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Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Captn Freedom Dispatch from Gitmo

Dearest freedomlover,
As I sit here chained up in Guantanamo Bay, my saliva runs down my bearded chın like the spring of eternal hope. This hog slosh they serve us here isn't even fit for a pig! The foggy dream of sınkıng my rotten teeth (when I fınally get it past my wee tusks) into a juicy ham shank soothes even a de-caped captn freedom. Truth be told I gained short-lived internet access here by turning my mojo on a prison guard (She's crazy about pigs in the sack). As one is free to do! Though I've suffered bestiality and food poisoning, I do not fear the enemies of freedom. I am proud to be placed here under the protectors of the free world. I have faith in theif plan. Captain Freedom is freest when he is secure, behind bars, where no one can threaten his freedom and crusade (I could do with out the bestial torture, but hey, it's a free country! Everyone has the right to do whatever they want so long as they're loving freedom and fighting the evil freedomhaters. I am confident that freedom will prevail and that the entire free world will one day join me here in Gitmo, definitely the most secure barnyard I've ever known.
Until, next time whenever that may be, have faith, freedomlovers. One day we shall be together, but for now, I will send word when freedom permits.

Blessed are the freedomlovers! Bonne continuatıon! as my truffle-hunting relatives might say.

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

When Pigs Flee

Dearest freedomlovers,

What's the latest in freedom news, you ask? I've been stroking my beardedpig beard as I bemusedly watch the immigration crisis in the land of plenty. Freedomlovers, I am confused. Does not the United States belong to my white pig brothers who have inhabited it for two centuries and made it the preferred destination for freedomloving pilgrims the world over? Is it not their right to import swarthier southern pigs to do freedom's noble infrastructural tasks in the centuries old project that has made the United STates the freedomloving political creature that it is?

Is not freedom sometimes a matter of finders keepers, my dear freedomlovers? And other times a matter of conquering freedomhaters whether they be finders/keepers of the land or not? It takes a perspicacious eye for freedom to sort out its situational complexity, does it not? Take for example this strange video that was sent to me about the immigration debates.

When that great freedomloving poet, Emma Lazarus wrote the "New Colossus," inscribed at the base of that great hommage to freedomlovers everywhere, was it not clear that she meant that swinish American multitudes reserved the right to halt the flow of incoming auslander pigs in order to preserve American freedom? Isn't that what she means in writing thus?
From her beacon-hand

Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command

The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.

"Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she

With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,

I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

I am confused, dear freedomlovers. If she didn't mean that the swinish multitudes must protect their freedom by curtailing the freedom of pigs everywhere to flee TO the United States, though all pigs have their natural rights to flee FROM the recrudescent hand of misery and tyranny, then surely her poem is a sacrilege to freedomloving pigs everywhere and must be removed from the statue of liberty. And if that's what she meant then it is my duty as Captain Freedom to start a petition right here to have it removed. Come to think of it, the statue was a gift from France to the people of the U.S. It's no wonder then that we've been duped all these years by this poem inscribed on the statue. Beware of Trojans bearing gifts, freedomlovers. Tear down that statue, Mr. President!
Blessed are the freedomlovers!
Stay Free!

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Monday, April 10, 2006

Red Alert, Red Alert...Oh, just a Clash fan

My dearly beloved Freedomlovers,
Another pearl recently beheld by this swine (thank you Pearlsbeforeswine) is a report about an extremely dangerous though seemingly ordinary freedomloving limey who was caught redhanded singing along to a Clash song. It turns out that though he was indeed a Clash fan, which as we know generally signifies terrorist activity, he was simply another dummy that didn't understand their lyrics; he just wanted to rock. But beware, freedomlovers, of the terrorists in rocker's garb. As a hog who has often exercised his freedom to rock, I dare say it's all too easy to fall prey to their seductive, evil hooks.
Eternal vigilance, freedomlovers, is the price of freedom!
Stay Free,

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Sunday, April 02, 2006

Fleeing for Freedom

What better way to awaken from a swinish night of slumber, slobbering and snorting, while visions of freedomplumbs danced in my head, than to get these freedomloving headlines: Civilians in Iraq Flee Mixed Regions As Killings Rise.
Now that's what I call freedom on the march--er, run.
Blessed are the freedomlovers.
Stay Free (even if you must run!),

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Freedom to admonish drugusers while protecting druggrowers?

Dearest Freedomlovers,
I'm pulling my little beard out this morning trying to understand the war on drugs and the freedom work the American government is so nobly conducting in Afghanistan. Might some of you swinish multitudes help a fellow pig?
Thank you, FL's.
STay free,
The road to Dushanbe
President Bush has said that "It's so important for Americans to know that the traffic in drugs finances the work of terror, sustaining terrorists, that terrorists use drug profits to fund their cells to commit acts of murder." Think tanks like Canada's Mackenzie Institute suggest that as much as 30% of funding for Islamic terrorist groups is derived from narcotics sales and the State Department has concluded that as much as 72% of the world's illicit opium is produced in Afghanistan. The link between the drug trade and the financing of terrorism is clear and success in the war on drugs would seem to have a direct effect on success in the war on terror. Imposing fiscal restraint on the Taliban and al-Qaeda (who reap significant financial gain from the opium fields of Afghanistan) is obviously a worthwhile objective. But the U.S. government's admonishment to pot-smoking hippies that "individual decisions about using drugs have real-world consequences" rings hollow in light of the Administration's failure to confront the drugs / terrorists relationship in Afghanistan.My brother, a soldier with the U.S. Army's elite 10th Mountain Division, has been stationed in southern Afghanistan since August of this year. Among the several issues he has raised in his letters home (the main issue being "RPGs really suck") is that his unit is under direct orders to avoid confronting poppy farmers and traffickers. Poppy fields are not to be damaged and drug traffickers are allowed to pass through highway checkpoints unmolested and unsearched. The checkpoints are a principal means of searching for weapons and al-Qaeda fighters moving through the region, yet trucks carrying poppy are allowed to pass through without a second look. My brother's CO (commanding officer) explained that the reason for this hands-off policy is that the poppy fields provide the main source of income for the Afghan population and any effort to interdict the drug trade or destroy the poppy crops would result in an open revolt against the American-supported Karzai government. I recognize that trade-offs like this are the stuff of foreign policy real politik, but for how long can such a policy square with reality that profits from the sale of Afghan heroin fund the very al-Qaeda and Taliban soldiers we are fighting in the war on terror? Why don't the "anti-drug" television ads mention that U.S. foreign policy decisions, like individual decisions about using drugs, have "real world consequences?" Do as I say, not as I do is sometimes a defensible position. Such a position should be acknowledged and explained, though, and I have yet to see any acknowledgement or explanation from the Administration. I am not holding my breath waiting for one either.
Fitz-Hume @ 12/12/2003 02:00:05 PM
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Saturday, April 01, 2006

SUV's and Freedom

Dearest Freedomlovers,

What do you make of this strange ad for the Taho SUV, which was orphaned on my cyber doorstep? The forces of anti-freedom are attributing it to me, but you know the truth.
Blessed are the freedomlovers!
STay free!

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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Freedom to pollute

Freedom to not give a hoot...
That's what I love about freedom, freedomlovers, don't you?
I just read that "Studies Hint at Irreversible Rising Seas." The liberal freedomhating media at it again? I mean are we really supposed to believe these one or two token scientists (liberal ones, of course) whose "studies" they choose to report? That's not freedom, freedomlovers. We've worked so hard to get to this pinnacle of consumer society and freedom, where anyone can buy as much stuff as he/she can afford or charge (an irrefutable good, indeed) and throw away as he/she likes. These meddling liberal scientists--who needs them freedomlovers?
To be continued momentarily, a debate between two liberal journalists about the liberal media's conspiracy to suppress global warming stories. Stay tuned freedomlovers.
Time to don the cape and recycle the trash--I'm hungry.

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Onward Freedom's Soldiers

CapnFreedom loves to behold pearls of Freedom, and where better to find them than on PearlsBeforeSwine?

Here's one he picked up recently. Things are looking up in Iraq, Freedomlovers.

As PBS, says, "A certain testament to the march of freedom there."

Blast at Baghdad Bus Terminal Kills 7 (AP), 3/4/2006

Workers From Iraq Security Firm Kidnapped (AP) 3/8/2006

Gunmen Abduct 50 Iraqis; Bombings Kill Two By ALEXANDRA ZAVIS, Associated Press Writer 3/9/2006

10 Dead As Violence Continues in Baghdad

45 minutes ago , 3/12/2006 [accompanied by this photo anchor and text to the side: AP Photo: Wife of Amjad Hamid, left, cries during the burial of her husband, in Baghdad, Iraq,.

BAGHDAD, Iraq - Bomb blasts, rocket and gunfire killed at least 10 people and injured 23 in the Iraqi capital Sunday, police said.

The low thud of mortar fire could also be heard, but it was not immediately clear where the shells were landing.

A roadside bomb exploded Sunday morning in a busy west Baghdad street, killing at least six people and inuring 12, said police Lt. There Mahmoud.

The blast targeted a police patrol in the mostly Sunni Qadissiyah neighborhood. Three policemen were among the dead and three were injured, Mahmoud said. The rest of the victims were civilian bystanders.

Another bombing near the Mustansiriyah University in east Baghdad injured five policemen, said police 1st Lt. Mohammed Khaiyoon.

Drive-by shooters fired on a car in the western Biyaqa neighborhood, killing its three occupants, including a member of President Jalal Talabani's Patriotic Union of Kurdistan party, police 1st Lt. Muataz Salaheddin said.

Gunmen in a speeding car fired into a crowd of day laborers in Amariyah, another troubled west Baghdad neighborhood, injuring four workers, said police Lt. Thayer Mahmoud.

In the western Jamiah neighborhood, a rocket landed near a house, killing one occupant and injuring two others, police Lt. Col. Hassan Chaloob said.

March 20, 2006

Yahoo headline: Ir aq War Enters 4th Year With More Deaths

By STEVEN R. HURST, Associated Press Writer 27 minutes ago

BAGHDAD, Iraq - As the

Iraq war entered its fourth year, nearly 1,500 U.S. and Iraqi soldiers on Sunday sought to root out insurgents from farming villages an hour's drive north of the capital, and at least 35 people died in insurgent and sectarian violence nationwide.


Thousands Around Globe Call for End of War

By JOSEPH B. FRAZIER, Associated Press Writer 1 hour, 1 minute ago

PORTLAND, Ore. - Protesters marking the third anniversary of the

Iraq war made their voices heard across the world over the weekend, with the largest marches in London, Portland and Chicago, though in numbers that were often lower than in previous years.

Headline in email version on same date, from NY Times: On Anniversary, Bush and Cheney See Iraq a Success

March 21: At Least 51 Killed in Iraqi Violence

By STEVEN R. HURST, Associated Press Writer 1 hour, 16 minutes ago

BAGHDAD, Iraq - At least 51 people were killed by insurgents and shadowy sectarian gangs, police reported — continuing the wave of violence that has left more than 1,000 Iraqis dead since the bombing last month of a Shiite Muslim shrine.

As the

Iraq war entered its fourth year, police found the bodies of at least 15 more people — including that of a 13-year-old girl — dumped in and near Baghdad. The discoveries marked the latest in a string of execution-style killings that have become an almost daily event as Sunni and Shiite extremists settle scores.

Sectarian killings have swept across Iraq since the Feb. 22 bombing of a Shiite Muslim shrine in Samarra. An Associated Press tally, including deaths reported Monday and Tuesday, put the toll at 1,044 since the golden dome atop the Askariya shrine was left in rubble by two bombers, who are believed to remain at large.

March 24

29 Dead in Iraq; New Sweep Nets Inurgents By VANESSA ARRINGTON, Associated Press Writer

8 minutes ago

BAGHDAD, Iraq - American and Iraqi troops swept the oil-rich region of Kirkuk for suspected insurgents and captured dozens, while drive-by shootings, roadside bombings and sectarian violence killed at least 29 people in Iraq on Friday.

March 26, 2006

Wave of Violence Kills at Least 69 Iraqis

By STEVEN R. HURST, Associated Press Writer 1 hour, 1 minute ago

BAGHDAD, Iraq - Police found 30 more victims of the sectarian slaughter ravaging

Iraq — most of them beheaded — dumped on a village road north of Baghdad on Sunday. At least 16 other Iraqis were killed in a U.S.-backed raid in a Shiite neighborhood of the capital.

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Sunday, March 12, 2006

Hang in there...

Dearest Freedomlovers,
Freedom's work is never done, but battles do come to an end. I'm proud to report that the light of freedom is shining brighter and brighter in Iraq each day, and at such a low cost to freedomfighters from the U.S. and those enjoying freedom in Iraq, the Iraqi people. Only 2,300 American soldiers of freedom have fallen in the name of freedom thus far and only 16,600 have been wounded. Trifling numbers compared to the giant leap for humankind, especially the Iraqis. Only 33,400 of them have passed away with the sweet taste of freedom on their lips. I can think of no sweeter or more fitting way to exit this stage than that! Can you?

And this is not all we have to celebrate, freedomlovers. Recently, a kind web acquaintance, a Good Samaritan to be sure, directed me to a reputable site of information on the Iraq War,, where I was awestruck at the many advances in Iraq that have been denied to my freedom-eager bearded pig eyes by that freedomhating liberal media. In the event that you, too, have been denied the pleasure to celebrate these accomplishments, I shall share a few with you. Witness the facts and decide for yourself:

"Before 2003, The Iraqi Media And Public Information Were Under Full Control And Censorship By The Former Regime While The Concept Of Free Press Was Nonexistent." (United States Agency International Development's Website,, Accessed 3/8/06)

"[Now] The Iraqi National Media Pool Consists Of More Than 25 National Media Bureaus." (United States Agency International Development's Website,, Accessed 3/8/06)
A Female Reporter From Dijila Radio: "This is a real development for media in Iraq … it enables us to get first hand information, which before was inaccessible."(United States Agency International Development's Website,, Accessed 3/8/06)

Freedomlovers, we can only salute these developments toward free speech and a free press, hopefully spearheaded by the exemplars of free democratic debate, our freedomloving friends at ClearChannel.

And that is not all:
"Separately, More Than 300 Tribal Chiefs, Politicians, Clerics, Security Officials And Other Community Leaders Met Last Week In Hawijah, About 35 Miles Southwest Of Kirkuk, And 'Declared War' On Al-Qaeda In Iraq." (John Ward Anderson, "Iraqi Tribes Strike Back At Insurgents," The Washington Post, 3/7/06)

So much to celebrate, freedomlovers, yet so little time. Freedom calls. Ye shall one day be rewarded.
Blessed are the freedomlovers!
Stay Free!

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Freedom Rider?

Dearest Freedomlovers,

Too long has it been since last we met here in our refuge from the forces of freedom-haters. Here we may reinvigorate ourselves as we head back out into the hailstorm of anti-freedom. We shall prevail, freedomlovers. Fear ye not.

Freedomlovers, recently a mysterious voice from the void spoke to me thus:

George Hanson: They're not scared of you. They're scared of what you represent to 'em.
Billy: Hey, man. All we represent to them, man, is somebody who needs a haircut.
George Hanson: Oh, no. What you represent to them is freedom.
Billy: What the hell is wrong with freedom? That's what it's all about.
George Hanson: Oh, yeah, that's right. That's what's it's all about, all right. But talkin' about it and bein' it, that's two different things. I mean, it's real hard to be free when you are bought and sold in the marketplace. Of course, don't ever tell anybody that they're not free, 'cause then they're gonna get real busy killin' and maimin' to prove to you that they are. Oh, yeah, they're gonna talk to you, and talk to you, and talk to you about individual freedom. But they see a free individual, it's gonna scare 'em.
Billy: Well, it don't make 'em runnin' scared.
George Hanson: No, it makes 'em dangerous.

Help me, freedomlovers: is this sphinx friend or troll? Who shall assist Captn. Freedom in this taxxing exegesis?
Blessed are the freedomlovers! Stay Free!
CF p.s. Happy New Year, FL's!

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Sunday, December 11, 2005

Special Update

Dearest Freedomlovers,

An apology is in order. I have not intended a near month-long silence since last we spoke freely with one another here in this space dedicated to the unstoppable pulse of global freedom. I have been running hither and thither across the globe (riding piggback across those aquatic stretches), as fast as my little bearded-pig legs would carry me, aiding all those freedom lovers struggling in freedom's name.

In the next few days you can expect Captain Freedom to break his silence on the French riots, to weigh in on the "War on Christmas" raging in the United States, and on the Bush Administration's refusal to participate in binding talks on climate change. Stay tuned, and Stay Free!

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Saturday, November 19, 2005

I'm Rubber You're Glue...

Dearest Freedomlovers,

Earlier this week faux ami of freedom Dick Cheney and the GOP (see their entertaining new videos at reverted to one of the most puerile of rhetorical tactics; one scarcely seen since Pee Wee Herman's Big Adventure; one we can sadly only expect to hear with greater frequency in the next three years. That's right, freedomlovers, we're on the playground. In certain bad faith during those single digit halcyon days, your nemesis calls you his pal, or Personal Ass Licker. What is your best defense against this airtight argument? You could simply deny it and up the ante: You wish, dickweed.

Similarly, you could shift the attention with the most dreaded of red herrings: Your mamma (which actually can not indisputably lay claim to the superlative comeback, since you always have the reliably emasculating "Homosaywhat"). But then you can always just "dog" them ("ooh, that's a face!")by pulling out the mirror. The mirror tactic actually has two major forms.

First, a la PeeWee: I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. And second: I know you are, what am I? These are slight variations of the equally annoying but more self-incriminating pure mirror: You're a butthole. [response] You're a butthole. [pre-pubescent interlocutor] Stop copying me. [response] Stop copying me.

Sooner or later, your nemesis either goes away, or is provoked to give you a noogie, wedgie, kick in the nuts, or, most likely of all, just clock you. The problem is, freedomlovers, in playground culture, noone ever admits he lost the cutdown war, or that he's really attacking you because his father works long hours, never tosses the pigskin with him, leaving him to identify with his poor, pathetic mother, who is equally neglected by his crazy workaholic pop (you represent his father). But Freud is nowhere to be found on the playground. So the situation recurs, daily, for five to eight years, at which time it just tapers off into a purer, healthier form of FightClub violence. Yes, I'm talking men here, bearded pigs or not. And yes, while slightly more civilized than the human counterpart, the male bearded pig has been known to engage in the cutdown war as part of the playground polity.

Perhaps we should not be surprised, freedomlovers, that the enemies of freedom try to reduce our edifice erected in the name of freedom, our democracy, to a species of the playground cutdown fight. Thus, pulls out its mirror: "Democrats: Dishonest on Iraq." I know, I know, at first I thought it was just a misspelling of "Republicans," that political debate had at long last embraced the lifeblood of freedom, honesty. But then I caught wind of Vice-President Cheney's ersatz freedomloving address wednesday at the utterly profane Frontiers of Freedom Institute's Ronald Reagan Gala. The Vice-President of the FakeFreedom Co. spoke thus:
"[I]n Washington you can ordinarily rely on some basic measure of truthfulness and good faith in the conduct of political debate. But in the last several weeks we have seen a wild departure from that tradition. And the suggestion that’s been made by some U.S. senators that the President of the United States or any member of this administration purposely misled the American people on pre-war intelligence is one of the most dishonest and reprehensible charges ever aired in this city."

What do we make of this, freedomlovers? Afterall, top White House advisor on terrorism Richard Clarke says he was ordered to look for a link between 9/11 and Hussein immediately following the attacks (
In Clarke's words to CBS's 60 Minutes: "Rumsfeld was saying that we needed to bomb Iraq," Clarke said to Stahl. "And we all said ... no, no. Al-Qaeda is in Afghanistan. We need to bomb Afghanistan. And Rumsfeld said there aren't any good targets in Afghanistan. And there are lots of good targets in Iraq. I said, 'Well, there are lots of good targets in lots of places, but Iraq had nothing to do with it.

"Initially, I thought when he said, 'There aren't enough targets in-- in Afghanistan,' I thought he was joking.

"I think they wanted to believe that there was a connection, but the CIA was sitting there, the FBI was sitting there, I was sitting there saying we've looked at this issue for years. For years we've looked and there's just no connection."

What to make of this, freedomlovers? Afterall, Bush's tres Austin Powers "Number 2 Man on the National Security Council" disagreed with his boss, claiming that the freedomtalking president was also freedomwalking, "making the homeland safer" and "taking the fight to the terrorists." Yet we already learned, did we not, that those who thought Iraq was in cahoots with THE TEARRISTS, incidentally still Wanted Dead or Alive but suffering from a dearth of bounty hunters at the moment, was misinformed at best, a deliberate lie at worst. Why believe in the lie, as Mulder might encourage us? A couple of reasons.

First, other Bush administration officials (and other evidence, such as PNAC)corroborate Clarke's claims. According to the Glasgow Sunday Herald among others (

[begin quote] GEORGE Bush’s former treasury secretary Paul O’Neill has revealed that the President took office in January 2001 fully intending to invade Iraq and desperate to find an excuse for pre-emptive war against Saddam Hussein.

O’Neill’s claims tally with long-running investigations by the Sunday Herald which have shown how the Bush cabinet planned a pre- meditated attack on Iraq in order to “regime change” Saddam long before the neoconservative Republicans took power.

The Sunday Herald previously uncovered how a think-tank – run by vice-president Dick Cheney; defence secretary Donald Rumsfeld; Paul Wolfowitz, Rumsfeld’s deputy; Bush’s younger brother Jeb, the governor of Florida; and Lewis Libby, Cheney’s deputy – wrote a blueprint for regime change as early as September 2000.[end quote]

Secondly, Anti-freedom inc's CEO George W. Bush sought consent for the invasion of Iraq by claiming ongoing and strong ties between Hussein and Al Qaeda. While under 5% of the population thought Hussein had anything to do with 9/11 just after it, by the beginning of the Iraq invasion, about half of all Americans believed there was a significant tie ( This accusation of significant collaboration between Iraq and Al Qaeda was repeatedly made by the Bush administration in the two months prior to the invasion of Iraq, and even occasionally thereafter.
"Saddam Hussein aids and protects terrorists, including members of al Qaeda."
- Bush in January 2003 State of the Union address.

“Saddam Hussein has longstanding, direct and continuing ties to terrorist networks…Iraq has sent bomb-making and document forgery experts to work with al Qaeda. Iraq has also provided al Qaeda with chemical and biological weapons training.” President George W. Bush made this well-circulated statement on February 8, 2003.

Over a year later, in June 2004, Chief Weapons Inspector David Kay stated, “We simply didn’t find any evidence of extensive links with Al Qaeda, or for that matter any real links at all.”

We could perform the same genealogy of deception on the Weapons of Mass Destruction issue, freedomlovers. Saddam Hussein was no lover of freedom, of course. But we have reason to believe that George W. Bush isn't either. Never has he once come out and said, "I am sorry. I was wrong to emphasize 'longstanding, direct, and continuing ties' between Hussein and Al Qaeda." Never once has he come out and said, "Yes, my main argument for invading Iraq was that Saddam Hussein possessed Weapons of Mass Destruction and the capacity to build more, but my information was wrong." Instead, he pulled the your mamma/homosaywhat move, so as to throw us off his trail, to shift the burden of proof onto us, freedomlovers ("Say what you want, but don't talk about my mom, man." and "I'm not gay, you're the fag, now what were we talking about? Oh yeah, can I play dodge ball?"). He dropped the old line as if he had never made those claims. He started chanting over and over again the mantra: The world is safer now that Saddam Hussein the tyrant is gone. We are bringing freedom to Iraq and the world, and we're fighting terrorism (since because of the invasion, they ARE now fighting terrorists who flocked to unstable Iraq; now there are training activities in Iraq, but there weren't before: homosaywhat! Your momma! Fag! I lost my thought. What was it I wanted to accuse him of?).

You are not easily fooled, freedomlovers. The spirit of freedom does not die so easily despite the virus of lies the FakeFreedom Inc. network spreads. Hold your ground, freedomlovers; fend off the rubber/glue tactics. When they give you their homosaywhat red herring, give them "homosayhomosaywhat." Of course, you could always just be honest when receiving the "homosaywhat" slur: "Yeah, what are you going to do about it?"
In any case, they call that "democracy?"
We shall prevail, freedomlovers. Democracy will rise again.
Stay free!

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Sunday, November 06, 2005

Freedomlovers doubt

Dearest freedomlovers,
Friday I read that freedomlovers all over America (well over half of them) have come to doubt the freedomloving capablities and devotion of our Great Freedomlover. Though he entreats us to steady our faith in freedom now, at the contemporary crossroads of a 40-year old campaign that had resulted in the "swiftest advance of freedom" ever known,there is reason to doubt his own love of liberty.

I was once a footsoldier in the Great Freedomlover's army to spread freedom and demolish tyranny the world o'er. But I have reason to doubt the leader's devotion to freedom. He cites the great inspiration to freedomlovers, yet it is unclear that he understands the inspiration. The suspicion comes from his use of lies to wage war in the name of freedom; his underlings' willingness to risk a nation's freedom and security by revealing the identity of an exponent of security, in order to silence the free expression of criticism and difference. The list of disappointing betrayals of freedom are many. Witness the confusion with the words of the original Great Emancipator, freedomlovers:

"The world has never had a good definition of the word liberty, and the American people, just now, are much in want of one. We all declare for liberty; but in using the same word we do not all mean the same thing. With some the word liberty may mean for each man to do as he pleases with himself, and the product of his labor; while with others the same word may mean for some men to do as they please with other men, and the product of other men’s labor. Here are two, not only different, but incompatible things, called by the same name, liberty. And it follows that each of the things is, by the respective parties, called by two different and incompatible names— liberty and tyranny.
The shepherd drives the wolf from the sheep’s throat, for which the sheep thanks the shepherd as his liberator, while the wolf denounces him for the same act, as the destroyer of liberty, especially as the sheep was a black one. Plainly, the sheep and the wolf are not agreed upon a definition of the word liberty; and precisely the same difference prevails to-day among us human creatures, even in the North, and all professing to love liberty. Hence we behold the process by which thousands are daily passing from under the yoke of bondage hailed by some as the advance of liberty, and bewailed by others as the destruction of all liberty. Recently, as it seems, the people of Maryland have been doing something to define liberty, and thanks to them that, in what they have done, the wolf’s dictionary has been repudiated." --Abraham Lincoln, LECTURE ON LIBERTY ADDRESS AT SANITARY FAIR IN BALTIMORE, APRIL 18, 1864.

Beware of the wolf's definition of freedom, freedomlovers. Beware of freedom-loving wolves in sheep's clothing. Blessed are the freedomlovers.
Stay Free,

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Friday, November 04, 2005

A prophet is not without honor save in his own country

It has just been reported that freedomlovers are losing faith in the ability of the Great Freedomlover of the United States to secure freedom for all Americans (and the entire world, for that matter). A record 58% of Americans question the Great Freedomlover's integrity. What's that you say? Did freedomlovers of America make a mistake? Is not the great Freedomlover who he claimed to be? Have you not heeded the words of the Great Freedomlover at his own second inauguration.
Let me remind you: "Some, I know, have questioned the global appeal of liberty - though this time in history, four decades defined by the swiftest advance of freedom ever seen, is an odd time for doubt. Americans, of all people, should never be surprised by the power of our ideals. Eventually, the call of freedom comes to every mind and every soul. We do not accept the existence of permanent tyranny because we do not accept the possibility of permanent slavery. Liberty will come to those who love it.--GWB

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Saturday, October 29, 2005

May Justice Be Swift for the Freedomhaters

Yesterday Scooter Libby, chief aide to Vice-president Dick Cheney, was indicted in the investigation about a leak (and its cover up) that threatened the security of freedomlovers across the United States and world. Yes, freedomlovers, we must be vigilant. Beware of those who appear to talk the straight talk of freedom but whose walk toward freedom is crooked. Those who use secrecy to jeopardize our freedom must be smoked out of their holes, as our beloved Freedomlover has said himself:

"Terrorists try to operate in the shadows. They try to hide. But we're going to shine the light of justice on them. We list their names, we publicize their pictures, we rob them of their secrecy. Terrorism has a face, and today we expose it for the world to see." GWB 10/10/2001

"While promising a future of justice and holiness, the terrorists are preparing a future of oppression and misery - banning dissent and books, brutalizing women, and controlling every aspect of life."

Keep up the good work, freedomlovers. Blessed art thou!

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Wednesday, October 26, 2005

A Great Day for Freedom!

Freedom: Hallowed be thy name! Today it has been reported that the number of brave American martyrs for freedom in Iraq and the world has reached 2,000. My freedom contacts in Iraq have notified me that an estimated 1,500 of those martyrs may be noble, American, freedom-loving bearded pigs (that string of adjectives is indeed redundant, but it is important to recall it with the greatest reverence). The great Freedomlover teaches that peace and freedom can not be won without bloodshed. That is the truth, fellow freedomlovers. Did you really think the ownership society could be achieved with the effortlessness of invading Belgium? The price of freedom is eternal vigilance and sacrifice. Blessed art thou, freedomlovers. Your descendants, bearded pigs and their brothers and sisters, shall carry your torch. Your sacrifice has not been in vain. With every martyr the world is a little bit freer.
I salute you.
Captain Freedom

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Sunday, October 23, 2005


Captain Freedom sans cape, in his birthday suit.
As you can see, he is a very prosperous American--well-fed, even if a tad unshaven. What's that? Captain Freedom is a bearded pig? Don't be so superficial! Freedom-loving is an intrinsic quality. Besides, he is a totally different pig when gussied up in his red-white-and-blue-spangled bodyglove. God bless you, Captain Freedom. If only we had more people like you.

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Friday, October 21, 2005


Hi there, freedomlovers!
Since I love freedom so much, and I want to devote my life to spreading it near and far, I thought I'd spread my word in the blogosphere. This site is for freedomlovers--enemies of freedom are not welcome here, and they are legion.

I will sporadically post my musings on freedom in the world, with particular regard for how it is under assault in my homeland, the USA. It is my wish that all of America and the world may one day hold hands and sing the immortal words of Lee Greenwood (if you don't know them you ain't a freedomlover, ya commie, terrist pig). I am proud to be an American.

I consider freedomlovers everywhere to be more or less American. The price of freedom is eternal vigilance, my friends. Let us be vigilant. You visitors will witness the wonders of my vigilance every so often--at least annually--on this blog.
God Bless you, freedomlovers.
Captain Jay Freedom

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Security After New Orleans

Dearest Freedomlovers:

What do you make of this commentary below? A web acquaintance in a beardedpig freedom love chatroom shared it with me. Can I trust it? It is so difficult these days, even for Captn Freedom, to distinguish between ersatz and pure freedom love. This calls for a movement of freedomlovers committed to examining the statements and actions of those who bear the resemblance to a freedom sheep to distinguish whether they are indeed so or, tragically, counterfeit freedom wolves in sheep's clothing.

Feel free to comment and circulate it.

Security after New Orleans

Poignant images of poor New Orleans residents retreating from the deluge have touched a nation and a world, raising troublesome questions about security and the cyclical issue of poverty in the United States. For some older Americans, these images evoke an earlier security panic—the Great Depression. We are hearing talk about New Deals: both the rediscovery of Franklin D. Roosevelt’s and the promise of George W. Bush’s. Beneath the surface of apparent similarity, however, the two deals and the insecurity they promise to relieve are fundamentally different. Bush’s affinity for the New Deal does not run deep, and this is not the first time that he and his predecessors have used its keywords to support policies that undermine its spirit of securing freedom for all Americans.

Roosevelt’s deal was new by comparison to the security and freedom doctrine that came before him. His predecessor Herbert Hoover responded to a condition of national insecurity with ineffective solutions of rugged individualism and minimalist government. Roosevelt argued for a more activist federal government, not to expand government-for-government’s-sake, but because the Depression had shown that individuals could no longer be held completely responsible for their own security. In a time when small shopkeepers, entrepreneurs and farmers were fast disappearing, Roosevelt identified the primary threat to security as the market free of public interest. He promoted a vision of Abraham Lincoln’s government of, by, and for the people as a citizen’s vehicle for dealing with the inevitable and sometimes catastrophic whims of nature, markets and businesses. He maintained this mature vision of security even in the throes of World War II, emphasizing the equal importance of military and social security. For Roosevelt, the social and economic aspects of security were so critical to American freedom that he went so far as to call for an Economic Bill of Rights to supplement the already existing political Bill of Rights.

At the heart of Roosevelt’s New Deal was his argument that freedom could not be viewed as a natural state individually embraced through work or willingly denied through sloth when 1/3 of the American nation was ill-fed, ill-clothed, and ill-housed. In fact, Roosevelt viewed such poverty as a threat to the nation’s political, social and military security.

The poverty laid bare by Hurricane Katrina demonstrates that obtrusive conditions confronted during the Depression do in fact persist today. Bush’s response to this is far from “new.” Like Hoover, Reagan, and his own father before him, Bush continues to promote self-discipline and private cures, including voluntarism, as solutions to large-scale security problems. In this decades-old argument, the federal government should cut all but verbal support for those living in insecure economic conditions, leaving the relief work to good Samaritans who represent the best of the American spirit. But the private sphere of charities could not deal with the magnitude of the security fallout in New Orleans.

The media unwittingly promoted this voluntarist line, telling the New Orleans story almost exclusively through the melodramatic frames of individual heroism and natural disaster. Largely absent from this coverage was an analysis of how Bush and his predecessors’ attempts to repeal the (old) New Deal directly contributed to the un-natural disaster that was Katrina. Katrina was a necessary cause for New Orleans, but it was not sufficient. By relentlessly trimming the “fat” of FDR’s legacy from the federal budget—including income supports, transportation, and public works such as levee repair—the Bush administration has left behind a skeleton security state unable to withstand any significant threat.

In the wake of the hurricane, Bush has promised support for minority-owned small businesses but has failed to specify how education, public health, and other key resources will be permanently secured for vulnerable citizens. On the contrary, he and some Republicans have argued that reconstruction can be financed by trimming more fat. Additional cuts would only aggravate the insecurity of poor Americans. Besides, why reconstruct if only to abandon citizens to insecurity again?

George W. Bush staked his reputation on security and has said repeatedly that his number one duty is to protect U.S. citizens. The deep floodwaters of New Orleans revealed just how shallow our understanding of security really is.